Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The Glorious Mess That Is My Life

I don't post many personal things on this blog.

I tell myself: "Nobody on the internet wants to read about some silly teenager's life. Books. Books are what they want to hear about."

This morning I slept in. Yes, I'm homeschooled - so why should it matter? I can do school and chores and friend stuff whenever, because my schedule is SO flexible.


At least, not since school started back up. Co-op classes with homework that's actually DUE on a certain day. A church campout this weekend, which requires packing and squeezing into our snug SUBURBAN. Family coming to visit, so CLEANING and SHOPPING and SCHOOL. 

I might have a break to breath in a few weeks, but THEN.


A never ending spiral dragging me further and further into the depths of I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

Monday morning brought tears. Buckets and buckets of tears and pounding headaches and eyes squeezed shut. I was so sure the next two weeks would be stressful and emotionally draining. I wanted it to simply STOP. 

(What brought on this sudden spillage of my soul to the internet? Partly, I knew that writing it all down would help me in my own little way, but it also happens that a friend of mine has had a straining couple of days as well. Her blog post inspired me to do my own, and I hope that somehow mine will likewise inspire and uplift someone. I'll leave a link to her post at the end...)

My mom. Me darling mum. Nodding and admitting to have been struggling with everything I was struggling with, simply said, "One day at a time. That's all we can do."

No. No, I couldn't do that. Life was in chaos and I wanted A PLAN. I wanted the next two weeks to line themselves up in front of me so I could examine each one and determine everything necessary for making them wonderful and smooth. 

I called a friend and ranted. After we hung up with "Love you"s and "Everything will be fine" I realized how ridiculous I was reacting to it all.

Life is a mess. There is nothing I can do about the school and the cleaning and the planning, except take it in bunches. Week by week; Day by day. 

But, even that is useless if I'm trying to do it on my own. It's not until I said "Okay, Lord. These next few weeks are in your hands...just like my life that I have promised to you" that the stress began to slowly roll off my shoulders, droplet by droplet.

I still have a load of unfinished homework due tomorrow. And days of schoolwork to catch up on. And a campout to help my mom pack for. And family visiting. And a book to write. And authors to see. And food to eat. And friends to hang out with. And a family to love.

All those aspects have their ups and downs. Some more than others, but this is my life. It isn't some temporary existence to slug my way through. 

It's my life, given to me from God for a purpose. A beautiful, nerve-racking purpose...


found on pinterest

(Rachel's post:

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